Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Fool King Telleth a Wicked Tale

n the waning days of The West, the Fool King, in an effort to appease those lawless Warlords of Allah's House, went forth abroad and did speak to the denizens of Allah's House, telling wicked and foolish lies:

2. He told a wicked, wicked lie, which is perniciously spread by the lawless sons of Allah's prophet, whose bowels forever pass the gas of pigs in the presence of the Mockers whom he has slain, may they be justified in eternity.

3. And here is that wicked lie: That Moses the Lawgiver, and Jesus the Messiah and Mohammed, the false prophet of Allah, who is but Satan in disguise all did worship together and they did pray together. But this is a lie, and verily, this is what indeed, came to pass:

4. In the Plain of the Dead, Moses the Lawgiver was questioned by the vile, false prophet of Allah, who is Satan in disguise. And the false prophet did ask Moses, "Art thou a Jew?"

5. And Moses, speaking the truth, did say, "Yea, verily, it is so. I am a Jew." "And is thy father a Jew, and likewise, thy mother a Jew?" "Most certainly, false prophet, my mother was a Jew, and also my father, and my brother and sister are Jews as well." And being filled with rage, the false prophet of Allah, who is but Satan in disguise, did cut off the head of Moses.

6. And turning to Christ, he demanded to know if He were a Christian, and Jesus spake, saying, I am a Jew, and my mother was a Jew, and my father is God, who will judge the quick and the dead.

7. And Mohammed, who became crazed with madness, took Jesus and did crucify him anew.

8. And this is what is done these very days, by the sons of Allah and his false prophet. They continue to behead, and to crucify, for they follow their false prophet, and say thus, "he is the perfect ensample to all mankind, let us be like unto him."

9. May God forgive them, for they have no understanding. And may we gird up our minds, because we have understanding, and are therefore, without excuse.

10. For e'en though a lie hath been told oft and is durable, once the painful truth is told, the lie loseth its charm.

11. And the once confused and now liberated soul doth make merry, in spite of the best efforts of the Liars and Soothsayers and the Manipulators of clearly demonstrated in the following bit of revisionist video history:

Friday, May 29, 2009

Who teacheth the Teachers?

ehold, in the Days of Lunacy, in the rainy isle of Britain, there were a craven and sniveling folk who believed themselves to be wise and understanding, and did their best to impart such reckless sensitivities in their acolytes, but in truth, they were fools, and they were called "Teachers"

2. Now, teachers wishing to impart this nonsense into the minds of the students, chanced upon what they thought was a brilliant idea. They decided that Christian children should be forced to pray to Allah, and recite the prayers of Allah.

3. And the parents of the children were wroth and sought to put an end to such chicanery, but lo, the teachers forced these children to do that which they would otherwise not do.

4. And one child, a little boy, who knew the scriptures and prayers of Allah, for his parents had been followers of the prophet of Allah, may his teeth rot with pain for ever, and they were now Christians.

5. And spake the child to the Fool and saith, "If I am to recite the prayers of Allah, I would become a follower of Allah, and the Prayer, once spoken, can never be unspoken, and I must do all that which is required of me in Allah's Unchanging Scriptures. Therefore, I must needs kill thee., for it is written in the Book of Allah and the Prophet, may he give birth to swine for all eternity, that I must slay the infidels wherever I find them, and lo, here thou art! An Infidel, as surely as I am now a Christian.

6. So choose ye, carefully, lest I choose that which will benefit neither of us, but only bring to ruin everything.

7. And the Teacher pondered, and thought it best to assign some other bit of homework, instead.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Midget Prince and the Weapon of Doom

n the end days of man, before his foolishness caused the entire world to go mad, there were wise men. Men who could create powerful weapons out of the smallest grains of sand. For verily did not our Lord say, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

2. And such men had deep knowledge, and great faith, and wisdom. But by treachery and deceit, did their dangerous knowledge fall into the hands of wicked men, who would think nothing of using this knowledge to destroy the world and all that was in it, including themselves, for in the end, that is what tyrants and fools alike do, when they possess knowledge of which they are unworthy.

3. And many years had passed, since the wise men discovered the power to destroy utterly, and now the wicked men of the world all possessed this power, and still others, even more evil were looking to possess the power to destroy utterly.

4. And behold, on the solemn Day of Remembrance, where the freeborn men in the Land of Liberty remember their Fallen Heroes, who died that they may live in Peace and Freedom, an evil man rose from the Misty Half-Peninsula of the Ignorant. He thought himself to be a god, but he was a tyrant, and a fool, and a midget.

5. He decided to show the world that he now possessed the power to destroy utterly, and he unleashed the Fires of Hell, causing a great many to fear and wonder.

6. But in the Land of Liberty, the Fool King made empty threats against the midget Prince, and he was scorned and ridiculed, for he was at heart a coward, and the tyrants of the world and the free born men alike knew he would do nothing but talk, because that is what fools do.

7. And the people in the Land of Liberty did wax exceedingly dull and fat, having forgotten the Prophecies written down from long ago. And they did not listen to their prophets, neither did they heed their warnings, but went from bad to worse, until the day of reckoning, when all was fair and bright in the world, and they considered that the world would continue thus, as it has always been, so it always would be.

8. Alas, they were wrong. For in the end days of man, before his foolishness caused the whole world to go mad, before the Manipulators of Perception and the Soothsayers arose and led many astray, and deceived even the faithful, there were wise men, prophets who spoke the truth, and in those days, the prophets were called 'comedians'.

Battle of the Melody

n the days when the world was governed by lawless tyrants and inhabited by savages, it was divided into two realms: The realm of the Civilized, also called The West, whose denizens were educated and had at their disposal devices which accomplished for them every task imaginable. And the other realm was known as the House of Allah and his prophet, may he be mocked evermore.

2. The West had ships that carried goods from hither to thither.  They created large birds of steel, that could fly them to and fro, over a great many miles.  The West also had music, beautiful music, played skilfully by well-trained musicians.  And many other ways to entertain themselves.

3. Compared to the House of Allah and his prophet, may wasps nest in his stomach for eternity, the West was very like the Paradise written in their holy book, which told of Virgins, and rivers of wine and endless pleasures, if the believers would but die and kill for Allah.

4. And it made the lawless savages angry, because they must die and kill in order to attain the very Paradise which already was in the West!

5. And so it came to pass, that the Sons of Allah would go out from their House, and travel to the West.

6. And seeing how much better was the West than Allah's own House, many of them  would stop believing, while others, seeing how much better the West was than Allah's House would burn with resentment, and they became more savage and foolish, and did seek to destroy the West from within its own borders.

7.  Now it came to pass, that a ship called 'The Melody'  was full of Elders.  And The Melody had with them skilled musicians, who performed beautiful music on the deck of the ship, while the Elders assembled to listen.

8.  Now, the Elders came from an island called Britain, where many Sons of Allah were wreaking havoc upon them, for the Elders had foolishly allowed many of them to come there to live, believing they would honor the rules of Law and be civilized, and were sorely vexed to discover that the Sons of Allah did not wish to be like them in any way, but held them in disdain and contempt, and forced them to pay them the tax which they call the 'jizya',  and to be humiliated.

9.  And the rulers of Britain, and sheriffs could do nothing, for they were fools, and hated the Jews, and despised the land of Israel, which also the Sons of Allah hated and despised, and God held them in derision for having chosen stupidity and foolishness over justice and mercy and truth, and punished them with even more sons of Allah, being born into their midst, to cause havoc and chaos, for in these things do they exceed, those  sons of Allah and the prophet, may dogs devour him forever,

10.  But certainly, not all of the Britons, as they were called, were foolish and hated both Jews and the land of Israel, for the Elders on the ship hired a Jew, and an Israelite to protect them while at sea, for they heard how brave and fearless the Israelites are in battle.

11.  And it came to pass, while at sea, The Melody did venture into waters infested with pirates, who were children, from the land of Somalia, which is in the House of Allah. 

12. And they came with powerful weapons made in the West, in fast boats made in the West, in order to take hostages and hold them for ransom, for that is the only industry in the land of Somalia, and many young men, who know nothing but stealing and killing, were eager to be pirates.

13.  But the Elders, seeing that their vessel was being boarded by the pirates, did gather quickly the chairs, and the tables, and all that they could lay upon with their hands, for they had no weapons themselves, did throw as much as they could onto the pirates' heads, til the pirates fell off their ropes, into the sea.

14.  But the Israelite, aimed his weapon and fired at the pirates, who grew sore afraid and fled, for the men of Israel are fearsome warriors, and not easily defeated.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Fool King

n the beginning of the Republic,  the people governed themselves, and elected men to pass laws and to do the will of the people.  It was designed, from the beginning, that the nation, having hard fought a long and bloody conflict and now free from the Tyrant King George and his armies, should no longer be a nation of one man's whim, but of laws.

2.  Although the young nation was imperfect in implementation of the notion that all men are created equal, and more wars would be fought to make all men equal, some violent, and some peaceful, many more people came from the far flung places in the world to make the Republic their home, and the Republic grew into a mighty nation, loved by the people, but feared by tyrants, for in the Republic, the people did govern themselves.

3.  But slowly, evil men, calling themselves Progressives, with their evil ideas crept into high places, and they passed evil laws.

4.  And they taught their evil ideas in the schools and in the universities, and as a result, the people grew fat and lazy.  And they did not govern themselves with rigid self-control, but became lawless, doing that which was right in their own eyes, and not that which was good and lawful.

5.  And the nation, which was Christian in its infancy, was now corrupt and filled with unbelief, and forgetfulness.

6.  And the people waxed cold, and grew slothful, and became like spoiled children, who demanded to be pampered and fed, and entertained, as did Rome of ancient times, and so their judges and  rulers, who came from within their midst, were very like them, to the detriment of all.

7.  Now it came to pass, that in the Two Hundred and Thirty-Second year of the Republic, the people, tired of the Wars Against Allah and his prophet, may he thirst evermore in the presence of the Living Water, and may he famish evermore in the presence of the Bread of Life,  did raise up from their midst a ruler who was untried in battle.

8.  And so he had no understanding of war and neither had he understanding of warriors. He was a ruler who had never ruled, nor did he understand business,  but was corrupt within and without, who sent violent thugs to enforce his bidding, for he was but was a fool who spouted nonsense that tickled the ears of the slow-witted people, and they, being easily duped and dazzled, did make him King and Ruler of all.

9.  The Fool King had no sooner come into power, that he began to meddle in affairs that did not concern him, and because the people feared him, they did not prevent him from stealing that which was not his, nor did they try to stop him when he flouted the laws and did that which was utterly despicable.

10.  The Senate came together and voted to restrain the Fool King,  who wanted to let free some violent Sons of Allah and the prophet, who breathes evermore through his bung hole in the dung heap of the damned,  who were waging a war against all humanity in a most despicable manner, for they would hide in the midst of people unawares, and when the soldiers came to hunt them would kill both innocent and guilty alike, and these same evil warriors would turn themselves into weapons of fire and death, and kill many more innocent.

11.  And so the former ruler, seeing how dangerous these vile creatures were, vowed to end their reign of terror, and captured many of them.  And they were sent across the wide sea to an island, where they were kept in a prison that was built for them.

12.  But the Fool King, who despised the former ruler, decided that he could do anything he wanted,  and assembled the Congress and the Senate and gathered the Soothsayers and Manipulators of Perception, and told them he would let the Sons of Allah and the prophet, who is covered in honey and devoured forever by the beasts of Hell, into the republic.  

13.  And so, came to an end of the Law in the Republic, and the people will be punished accordingly, for having elected for themselves a Fool King who had no wisdom.  And that is how the Eternal gave them up to do that which they thought was right in their own eyes, and this is how He punishes those who reject Wisdom and Law and Truth, and embrace folly.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Tale of the Land Pirates

  n the far-off land of Liberty, in the place called Virginia, in the town of Roanoke, there did dwell some pirates. 

2.  Alas, since they dwelt not near the sea, where there were ships to commandeer, but near the foot of a Great Mountain Range, where no ships sailed, they found it most vexing that they could not ply their trade.

3.  And so the pirates conspired one with another, saying, "O Brothers, wherefore we have neither ship to sail, nor crew to lord over, let us search among the wealthy of this town, whom we may capture and hold for ransom."

4.  And they sought, among the Christian and white inhabitants of the town,  and among the women, whom they deemed weak, and not very smart, for the young pirates were brazen sons of Allah and his prophet, may his feet be cemented in the Burning Furnace of the Jinn, forever, and they believed that it would be but an easy thing to capture their quarry.

5. And so they set out, and knocking on the door of the woman, made up a story to lure her into their trap.

6.  Yea, and when she opened her door and saw the pirates, she screamed for help, and shut her door, catching the arm of one of the pirates, his brethren having fled.

7. And the Sheriff of Roanoke captured the pirates, and threw them into the jail, where they sit, even to this day, regretting their career choice getting caught.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Humble Servant Zakariah and the Ignorant Learned Men of Allah

 n the land of Egypt, in the time of the reign of Mubarak the Despot, there did abide in the country some Christians, who were called Copts.

2. And they were poor, and their lot was to pick garbage. And they were persecuted by the followers of the Prophet, may his bowels be cast upon the rocks, and

oft times did they provoke the Christians, and steal their children.

3. And the Christians grew weary of their sufferings, and pressed their rulers for justice.
4. And the Law, which was in those parts known as Shariah, heard not their cries, neither did the judges incline their ears toward their plight, and the rulers and the Sons of Perdition did heap more abuse upon the Christians.
5. Thus, were the Copts taxed beyond measure, and oppression covered the land. And it seemed that they were without hope, and that Our Lord and Saviour did hear them not.

6. And so the Christians prayed. And their plight became known, far and wide, by word of mouth, yea, the very birds of the air did tell forth their suffering with great haste, and many were their Christian brethren who gathered, and prayed without ceasing for The Eternal to show them mercy, and comfort.

7. And many of the Christians remembered the admonitions of Our Saviour, who commanded us to pray for our enemies, and to bless those who curse us, and Who, when he was crucified and reviled by His brethren, forgave them, for they knew not what they did.

8. And there arose, from their midst, a humble servant of Christ, a man named Zakaria.

9. And the hand of God and the wisdom of Solomon was in his mouth, and many of the Lost Sons of Allah and his vile prophet did turn away from the devil, and gave heed to the words of Zakaria.
10. And Zakaria was very learnèd in all the ways and the scriptures of the False Prophet, may he hang forever upside down in a pit of adders, and did exceed the knowledge of the Ignorant Learnèd Men of Allah, who spoke follies far and wide on everything under the sun, and thus did lead many astray.

11. And the people hearing Zakaria, humble servant of Christ, marvelled, for behold, here was a man who was not a follower of Allah nor his prophet, may he freeze in the deepest pit of Hell, neither was he afraid of the prophet or his followers, and with great bravery, spake he the truth and did not shrink from their cursings and threats.
12. And thus, did he bring many to the true knowledge and many were saved because of him.
13. And the Teachers were jealous, and envious of the humble servant of Christ, Zakaria, for his knowledge was true and when it became known far and wide what evils lay in the books of the sayings of the Prophet and his friends, many of the Sons of Allah were repulsèd and ashamed, and asked the Teachers of Allah if these things were indeed in the books, and the Teachers of Allah scorned them and brushed aside their questions, and threatened them with beatings and prison if they asked what they could not answer.
14. So, seething and filled with rage and wrath, the Teachers of the Laws of Allah, vowed to kill the humble servant of Christ, Zakaria.
15. But the humble servant of Christ, Zakaria continues to taunt the Ignorant Learnèd men of Allah, and lives to this day, making disciples of Christ and snatching many souls from the Fires of Hell.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Christian High Priest and the Sulking Sheiks

here was once a Christian High Priest, named Benedict, whose name means "He who Speaks Goodness", and though his kingdom was but a tiny castle in the land of the Romans, he had many subjects scattered to the four corners of the world. And when he spake, they drew from him great comfort and joy, for he knew the truth, and spake forthrightly and fearlessly.

2. Now spake Benedict, bravely, concerning the evil ways of the Wrathful Prophet of Allah, who suffers in agony for eternity, and how he made disciples from among the Christians and Jews by threats and by slaughters, and how he causèd heavy burdens to be placèd upon them, til they relented and converted to the Religion of Allah and his prophet, may he fester in the dung of the damnèd, and be consumèd by flies.

4. Now when the Sons of Allah and his prophet, may his bones be chewed by dogs, did hear these words, they were wroth and did sulk greatly, for the words of Benedict were true, and they could not abide truth, and they began to curse Benedict and rain down threats upon him, as is their wont.

5. Now Benedict did arise and seek audience with the Sulking Sheiks, who demanded that he recant and apologize for offending them, and say that their religion was one of peace and tolerance, else they would grow more furious, but Benedict apologizèd not, and thus the
Sulking Sheiks did seethe and did they sulk some more.

The Unhappy Yemenite Looketh for Jews to Slaughter, and findeth Naught

ehold, in the Land of Yemen there did dwell some Jews, who were forever persecuted and slain by the True Believers, until they which continued to live, fled from there, while those who remained, were sought after and slain, according to the traditions of the sons of Allah and his prophet, may open, festering boils cover his eyes forever.

2. And lo, sorely vexed were the sons of Allah and his prophet, May his memory cease, when slain was the last Jew, and then did Allah and his jinn did mirthfully mock them, exceedingly, til the sons of Allah and the Prophet, who roasts evermore in the fires of Nahr, did seethe and turn on themselves and slaughtered themselves without mercy.

3. For the one said to his brother, Behold, thou art not a true Believer, and thus did retort the accusèd and offended brother, Yea verily, but I am, more so than thou art , and thus, one arose and smote the other.

4. And then did Allah with his consort of jinn mock them, exceedingly, for they were a foolish and gullible lot, having bred a man with his niece, and father with his daughter, til madness overtook their senses.

5. And wherever trod the sons of Allah and his prophet, may he weep with bitter tears and remorse and find no comfort, did they bring with them Chaos, and Destruction, and Sorrows Beyond Measure.

6. And lo, there were none to aid them, and to teach them the path of wisdom, for they were hard-hearted, and full of theft and murder and wrath, and slew all whom the Eternal sent as helpers and comforters.

7. Behold, their lot is Perpetual Darkness and Ignorance, til they turn, and repent.

8. Learn o mortals, and mourn, for they come as pests to devour. And you will not find peace.

The Egyptian Sheikh's Fatwa

2. And frightened were the ignorant learnèd men of the School of Allah and his prophet, who shall be revilèd, in this life and the life to come.

3. And they conspirèd, one with the other, and said, "Behold, yon crisis is too good to be squandered! Let us, therefore go into their midst and slaughter the pigs, who are but Jews in disguise, for since the days of Pharaoh, we have a dearth of Jews for slaughter, when the need arises.

4. For ye know well, my brethren, that it is written in the texts of the Elders of Zion, that Jews drink the blood of Christian children on the Days of their Passover, and that, on the Day of Resurrection, the Cross Worshipers in turn, eat the flesh of the swine, who are but Jews in disguise. And they do also that day eat the macaroni with cheese and the green beans with the smoked and cured flesh of the swine, who are but Jews in disguise.
5. And thus, they went forth upon trumped up charges against both the Jews, who were but pigs in disguise, and Christians.
6. And the Sons of Allah and his accurst prophet, who is to be damned evermore, did find new ways to kill, for in death do they excel greatly